Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
