I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
