Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I came so hard my ears popped.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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