a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
