Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
