He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
