I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
