i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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