i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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