I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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