Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm just crazy horny about you
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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