Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
