I puked a lego.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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