So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just threw up on my dentist
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
