Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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