Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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