I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize