Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
