Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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