I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
