Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
