I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
