I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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