and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
