Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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