It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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