I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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