let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
