omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
