I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Randomize
