those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
