and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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