Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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