dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
