you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
