I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
