So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
