I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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