We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
