I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
