I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
