my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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