you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
