the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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