I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
