Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize