I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
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