Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
