oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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