Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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