like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
