mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
