I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
