How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
