operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
