At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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