Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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