I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize