it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
