i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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