i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
