finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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