why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
