I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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