Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
