so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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