ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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