Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
