I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
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