you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
