Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize