I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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