Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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