Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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