Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
