Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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