i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
