just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
