the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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