I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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