I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
