I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
