Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
