I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
