don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
