Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
