Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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