The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
