So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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