I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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