my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize