Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
