did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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